“Earth, Body, Body Earth”
Once, I fought my body. I fought my nature and thought I could win. I was foolish. I was trying to escape reality and I did a pretty good job of it for a while. Most of us do a good job of it. But why bother? Where does it really take us?
I learned in those equatorial mountains that it is far easier to let water flow downhill and for me to run downhill after it, than it is to labor, on such steep slopes, to keep water still or to slow my pace to a mere walk. It is far easier for me to give into my desire for the real, the flesh and the luscious, than it is to pretend that these urges to sink my hands deep into moist soil or to stand arms outstretched beckoning to the horizons are wrong, that these cravings for beauty and pleasure, for the sensual and the integrated are inappropriate or simply less than human.
I don’t try to fight my body any more. I try to let the body goddess guide my actions. She takes me on walks through the woods, with frequent stops to observe mossy logs or circling hawks, perhaps to a hidden place where water pools or to a vista where the human heart knows nothing but to mirror the expanse of the land. She encourages me to place myself in that precious company with touch so tender or laughs so full that the body then requires rest. She tells me I need to lounge and luxuriate in my own thoughts, in my own quiet, and to act on my own creative impulses. She bids me to seek rapture.
The body goddess comes to me in my waking dreams and tells me to tend to life and the living, to tend to tribe and family, to move rhythmically and fluidly, to own the fruits of my labor and to fiercely defend what I love.
I now find foolish the widespread notion that in order to be regarded as a woman of virtue I cannot openly acknowledge my desires or that I have to hide the suppleness of my breasts and the curve of my hips. I find it absurd that my culture tells me that I can either embrace my physicality or my intelligence and that if I want to be respected for one then I need to subdue the other.
I find it nonsensical that a woman whose sexuality brings life into this world is then expected to abandon her erotic sense of self. I want the opportunity to be my fullest self, knowing that when I cultivate all my gifts and gather around me those who share these values that together we can steward an Earth of abundance. The body goddess reminds me that if I give of myself with humility, with integrity and with courage, I can create a whole and integrated life, a place where my sexuality, creativity, intelligence and character are welcomed all together, no longer isolated and fragmented by fear.